Label Artist: Bascove
Harumph. Not wishing to whinge, but just what does it take to be served a glass of Proper Claret around here?
These were precisely the words I spoke just the other day at my Club1 to the cheeky bloke who presented a "fruit-forward" Blaufränkelgipfler wine for my consideration. Crikey, I was gobsmacked.2 I could have boxed his ears. I told him to bu**er off and bring me some Proper Claret. We did not fight (and win!!) The War only to be served jammy, "fruit-forward" beverages at one's Club, I'll tell you that. This is just another fine example of the utter decline of standards and the moral laxity I observe on a more or less daily basis, especially in these young 'uns. Now, mind you, if you are enjoying a joint3 and Yorkshire pudding, you will want to be drinking A Proper Claret, somewhat of a rare and endangered species, I'm afraid.
Allow me a moment to edify you as to what constitutes "A Proper Claret," inverted commas. It's Cabernet Sauvignon-based, to be sure, but it's proper, elegant Cabernet, not the semi-ubiquitous confected/treacly stuff one might spread on bickies.4 But along with that, there are other bits — I can't be bothered to remember them all — that fill things in; no gaps to mind, mind you.
A Proper Claret brings order and focus to a meal as well as to a world that is in constant danger of, dare I say, changing. In conclusion, it is likely that it is only A Proper Claret that will keep the barbarous hordes at bay, and allow Civilization a modest prospect of some no doubted short-term continuity.
1 With the rather unlikely name of BONNY DOON VINEYARD
2 Astonished, amazed, for the Yanks who might be following.
3 Of proper British mutton, to be sure.
4 That would be "biscuits." Do I have to explain everything?